SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

He's the Jolly Old Elf in a red suit!
They are BIG Green Men from Mars with an even BIGGER robot!
Before Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, they were the ingredients for the weirdest Christmas movie ever!

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was filmed in 1964 in that bastion of the cinema, Long Island (in an unused aircraft hangar).

Starring a host of tv and b-movie actors including handsome-but-stiff Leonard Hicks as the Martian Leader (and kids' father) Kimar, 60s villain/voiceover artist Vincent Beck (who did lots of work for Irwin Allen's sci-fi shows) as the film's mustache-twirling villain, Voldar, and John Call as a pretty damn convincing Santa Claus, the flick is touted as the debut of future talentless chantuse Pia Zadora as Martian Kid Girmar. Thankfully, she has rather limited screen time.

As an example of low-budget filmmaking, it's actually pretty effective.

Every penny (what few of them they had) is up on the screen.

They make good use of stock footage (from Dr. Strangelove, no less).

And the use of then-popular Wham-O Air Blaster toy guns as the Martian weapons was either a stroke of marketing genius or clever use of limited funds. Either way, sales of the guns shot thru the roof after the film hit the kiddie matinee circuit!

If you're between 3-9 years old, the flick's a lot of fun.

If you're between 10 and whatever the local drinking age is, it'll drive you nuts, especially the theme song!

If you're over the local drinking age, do so before watching! It's available on a host of public domain dvds as well as one of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 snarkfests.

BTW: The image above is from the comic book tie-in, which you can read in three parts...

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

There was also a single of the theme, a spoken-word LP album of the movie's dialogue, and a novelization!

Now I can't get that damn theme our of my head..."Hoo-ray for Santy Claus..." AARRRGGGHHH!

An early Christmas gift from us to you:
The Mystery Science Theatre 3000 version of the film (don't tell Dr Forrester)...

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Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

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Loaded with Kool Extras!

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You Want Some Christmas FUN on TV? We Got It Right Here!

 As We Enter the Christmas Season...

..our entertainment tastes this year run to a hefty dose of mayhem to wash away the sugary taste of all those other Yuletide movies and tv shows, preferably with a mean and cruel Santa Claus!

Yes, we truly love the flick Krampus, but that guy's is supposed to be a demonic SoB!
We want a "bad Santa" who is truly evil, not just screwed up like Billy Bob Thornton's character!
Besides all three versions (1974, 2006 and 2019) of Black Christmas, which are fun, but basically just mad-slasher pix with an Xmas setting, we at Atomic Kommie Comics™were in the mood for something a bit more...otherworldy.

Why should Scrooge have all the holiday fun with specters and supernatural beings?

So, we're cuddling by the fireplace and watching Santa's Slay and Rare Exports!

Santa's Slay postulates that Santa is actually the Son of Satan, who lost a bet with an angel and was forced to be NICE to children on Christmas for a millennium.
But the bet's 1,000 year time-frame has just expired...and Santa's eager to make up for lost time!
WWE wrestler Goldberg is absolutely hysterical as Satan's Son, rampaging through the town and being the absolute, lethal, antithesis of what Kris Kringle is supposed to be.
Robert Culp, in one of his final roles, is entertaining as the crabby/cranky angel who tricked Santa and has been awaiting his return for a millenium.
The rest of the cast get into the insane spirit of the project, and the cgi FX, though low-budget are surprisingly-effective!
It's snarky!
It's silly!
It's now on our annual must-see Christmas film list, along with the 1971 Richard Williams-animated Christmas Carol, Nightmare before Christmas, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!

In the Scandinavian import Rare Exports, a huge demonic figure who looks a lot like a cross between Santa Claus and Krampus has been buried for centuries in Scandinavian tundra.
Americans come along, inadvertently unearth him, and mayhem ensues.
It's in Finnish, with English subtitles, but that's just as it should be, since the Finnish can unleash a storm of cursing only Germans can possibly match!
While played straighter than Santa's Slay, it's just as much fun, and even more gruesome!
Pour a healthy dose of glogg, imbie and enjoy!

Monday Monster Madness MONSTERS UNLIMITED "Best of #4"

As of #4, Monsters to Laugh With  changed it's title...

...to Monsters Unlimited!

But the Stan Lee-scripted word balloons on old (even in 1965) movie and TV horror/sci-fi pix remained as corny as ever!

Remember the caption-writing contest Stan ran last issue?

Well, here's the (as Stan put it) WEINER...

You'll Have to Wait Until Next Halloween Season To See That Pic!

Next Monday...

Shogun Warriors are Back as Monday Mecha Madness Returns!

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Monsters Unlimited #4

The Original Magazine...NOT a Reprint!
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Monday Madness MONSTERS TO LAUGH WITH "Best of #3"

What Did the Late, Great, Stan Lee Find Funny?

Why, taking old horror/sci-fi movie and TV show pix and adding silly word balloons to them!

And Stan wanted you, the reader to participate in the fun...

Did they publish the winners?

You'll hve to be here Next Monday to find out, True Believer!

BTW, this back cover pic is from The Man Who Laughs, starring Conrad Veidt...the visual inspiration for writer/artist Jerry Robinson's creation of The Batman's arch-enemy The Joker!

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Monsters to Laugh With #3

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Monday Madness MONSTERS TO LAUGH WITH "Best of #2"

Continuing our look at Stan Lee's obsession...

...with captioning old monster/horror/sci-fi movie and tv show pix with silly word balloons!

..but there's even more next week, boys and ghouls!

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Monsters to Laugh With #2

(Not a reprint! The original magazine!)
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Monday Monster Madness MONSTERS TO LAUGH WITH "Best of #1"

Let's see how funny the legendary Stan Lee could be...

Now who could argue with that?

And so this issue's parade of classic monster pix ends with...

...but there's more next week, boy fiends and ghoul friends!

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Monsters to Laugh With #1

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Monday Monster Madness MONSTERS TO LAUGH WITH / MONSTERS UNLIMITED & MONSTER MADNESS

Besides comic books, Marvel made occasional forays into the b/w magazine market...

..with this seven-issue 1965-66 title being their longest-lasting Silver Age series!
(Note: with the second issue, Stan Lee's name was added to the cover as a selling point!)

Other mags had used the gimmick of captioning old movie and tv photos for a feature in a magazine...but never an entire magazine!

At this point, the book changed it's title...

...nobody's really sure why, but it seemed to work!

One of the koolest aspects was that Stan Lee wrote the captions...

...bringing the same kitchy vaudville-level humor that he used for decades in Marvel's humor comics!

I'm not sure if declining sales or Stan Lee's increasing workload caused the cancellation!
(Besides his writing/editing duties, he was now the public face of Marvel, giving interviews, making appearances on tv, even touring college campuses where Marvel Comics were the "in" thing!)
In 1973, when Marvel unleashed an entire line of b/w magazines, ranging from horror to kung fu to Planet of the Apes...

...they revived the concept, still written by Stan Lee!

...but this time, the book was the least-successful of the b/w line!
It was re-tooled into a Famous Monsters of Filmland/Castle of Frankenstein format, adding features about both old and current films and tv shows...

...but the alteration didn't help and the book was cancelled.

Marvel tried again, later that year with a Famous Monsters of Filmland/Castle of Frankenstein clone called Monsters of the Movies, which lasted for eight regular issues and an Annual.

Starting next Monday, through the rest of October, you'll be seeing the best (IMHO) of Monsters to Laugh With and Monsters Unlimited!

Don't Miss It!